Fractured
I see fragments of my sexual assault,
bits and pieces that are fleeting,
memories floating loosely around my head.
It’s like trying to watch a movie,
a really old, brittle super 8mm
with so many splices and cuts,
impossible to watch from beginning to end,
so many breaks, gaps, and broken seams.
I can’t grasp the missing pieces.
They slip through so easily,
elusively obscure in my mind.
What’s left are fractured shards,
I try hard to retain every twisted detail
but the blurred bits are never clear enough.
I don’t remember everything he did to me.
It’s scary not to know, not to recall each painful part
and it’s even scarier that I might remember it all.
To know each excruciating moment would break me.
Being fractured keeps me whole.
*This poem first appeared in Latina Warrior, Blue Ear Books, October 2023.
Invisible Veteran
Do you see me?
You look beyond me and speak as if I am not even here
But I am standing right in front of you
Do you see me?
You acknowledge the male veteran next to me with your gratitude & respect
But you ignore my service and sacrifice
Do you see me?
You assume I’m someone’s wife, daughter, sister, mother, or grandmother
But I served too
Do you see me?
You revert to your default setting that only men are warriors
But I am a combat veteran who is also a woman
Do you see me?
You downplay my contribution, unaware that women serve
But my sacrifice and valor were equal to or greater than some men
Do you see me?
You force me to work at gaining your respect
But haven’t I already earned that?
Do you see me?
You still fail to identify or recognize me, I wonder if it is deliberate or ignorance
But my invisibility as a woman vet speaks volumes, are you listening?
Lisa Carrington Firmin is a Latina award-winning author and poet and a Bronze Star-decorated combat U.S. Air Force veteran. She is the author of Latina Warrior (2023) and her work has appeared in Stories from the Front: Pain, Betrayal, and Resilience on the MST Battlefield (2022), an anthology of stories about military sexual trauma spanning the Vietnam era to present day. Founder of Carrington Firmin LLC, Lisa is a storyteller who writes, speaks, and provides consulting in Leadership, Writing and Authorship, Veteran Culture, Transitions, MST, and Intersectionality. She’s also the founder of the Office of Veteran and Military Affairs and the Top Scholar program at The University of Texas at San Antonio. To learn more, please go to http://www.lisacarringtonfirmin.com
ISSUED 