Dear Momma
You were a single mother at home,
and daddy wasn’t around
so you did it alone.
You raised three kids,
worked your fingers to the bone
to keep us safe and provide a home.
Things weren’t always perfect
but you did your best.
Life stole the answers
but you passed the test.
Once high school ended,
I chose to enlist to support my family,
something daddy didn’t do.
So I left you, momma, scared to go,
hiding secrets I didn’t want you to know.
Ashamed of my feelings, afraid to show
who I really was, so insecure with love.
All said and done, I just wanted to be your son,
but you didn’t understand,
and I had to prove that this would make me a man.
I was tired of feeling embarrassed,
now would come the real test.
The most colorful part of my heart
was what I had to suppress
to blend in with the other
recruits from every state,
embarking on a new journey
where we did not know our fate.
A-TEN-CHUN!
Sir, an Air Force trainee
is true to the country,
true to the flag,
loyal to the end,
finest in the land.
Always on top,
cream of the crop,
motivated, dedicated,
can’t be stopped!
Boot camp changed my body,
conditioned my brain,
burned away baby fat
and numbed me to pain,
equipped me for battle
I would never be the same.
I pushed through many struggles
yet in the end, momma, I overcame.
After boot camp was technical training.
Years later I deployed for war
to kill others in pursuit of cheap oil—
that’s one of the things we were fighting for
(weapons of mass destruction
turned out to be a false claim),
but we bombed and bombed and bombed some more
causing so much grief and pain.
I delivered my body, submitted my brain.
For a dozen years I obediently obeyed,
moved around, lost friends,
remained resilient just the same.
I served this nation honorably
but deep down I still felt ashamed.
Don’t ask, don’t tell was the weight
I had to carry every day,
fighting imposter syndrome
and not loving myself,
disconcerted for being gay.
Dear momma,
I could tell you stories of distant lands,
how my combat boots crossed seas and sand.
Camouflage hid the secrets because I ran.
I ran from myself,
put my feelings on a shelf,
forced to live a lie
while serving on the front lines
because I only knew what I had to do
to survive military service
and be the best man I could.
So momma,
thank you for loving me,
for seeing the blessings in me.
When I deployed, you were worried
and you prayed for me.
Now that I’m home,
you love and respect me.
Love,
your son,
Omar
Omar Columbus is a photographer, poet, curator, arts advocate, workshop facilitator, and an Air Force veteran. A native of North Carolina now residing in Rancho Mirage, CA, he enlisted after high school and served for 12 years active duty. He began his career in Vehicle Operations and retrained into Operations Intelligence. In 2018, Omar was interviewed by Robin Roberts, a host on Good Morning America, on her segment called “Thriver Thursdays,” about his poetry and how art therapy helps veterans work through trauma. Omar facilitates two different veteran empowerment writing workshops monthly via zoom. He leads an All-Veteran’s workshop, as well as an LGBTQ Veteran’s workshop.
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